Go! Lead II…Who’s in charge?

Go! Lead II…Who’s in charge: Pst Eric Aluma (Sermon delivered on 12th May)

Who’s in charge? Who’s responsible?

This is a common question that arises when an outsider comes and finds a group of people lost and confused in a mess. What auditors and angry customers would ask when they are not pleased, when children create a mess damaging things, we ask who is in charge? Who is responsible?

Last week we introduced this series on Go!…Lead Journey to the Throne. We said that Leadership is simply a beautiful LIFE that reflects the character of Christ. We looked at the 4 Key leadership principles we need to conso0iyider through the life of Joseph the dreamer. We said that

• Leadership starts with a compelling and inspiring vision
• Leadership is refined in the context of relationships
• Leadership is strengthened by Competency of skill
• Leadership is established by integrity of Character.

Today we shall look at leadership and see how these principles can apply in the context of our families. Because, our families are the kind of place in the community where we need to ask, “who’s in charge?”

I grew up in a neatly closed community setting right here in Embakasi, in a small Estate like Aviation, it was very clear to point out various kinds of families, there are those I looked at and did not envy their kind of families. Some of the characteristics these kinds of families had included: Parents constantly in disagreements, children under performing in school, drunkenness, and disjointed meal times E.t.c. Every so often we would here an argument, a fight and various embarrassing situations.

There were those kinds of families I looked at and really envied the way they did things, how they seemed happy, organizing their lives together, going for holidays, working together, going to church together. These families especially during birthdays, Christmas and special functions would be the envy of the estate.

The big difference between these two kinds of families is Leadership, or in other words, Who is in charge?

Last week we saw this young man, going through the hatred and mistreatment of his brothers and in this context, God was preparing him for leadership. God was now moving him to another setting, another family separate from his own, How would he conduct himself in this new environment especially at the thought he was sold here as a slave?

Read Genesis 39 (Click to read online)

Even after his past ordeal, stripped off his father’s love and comfort, stripped off his place at home, betrayed by brothers, we are introduced to this emerging leader that “God was with Him”. He finds himself a slave in the house of a foreigner, an Egyptian named Potiphar, a rich official, the captain of pharaoh’s guards.

Here the Lord prospered Joseph and He is noticed and upraised and put in Charge. But Joseph knows that God was the one who was really in charge and takes up this responsibility very seriously. Because of this He found favor and Potiphar put him in charge of his house hold and entrusted everything that he owned to him. I don’t know about how Potiphar ran his family, but Joseph was given charge of everything and things began to change. He brought order where there was no order and God blessed the work of his hands.

To take charge is different from to taking tasks. This was not your everyday house-help of “do this and that”, Joseph took charge, He assumed authority and responsibility. This is what it means to be in charge. He had authority over other house personnel, processes, and resources. He set the working culture of the home, He determined who was to do what, and he organized for the tools and stocks. His leadership began to show in the way he handled this authority and responsibility in the home of Potiphar as his own home. With integrity of heart, and diligence in the given responsibility God blessed him. Potiphar would be away, or be asleep or be at the courts, but because of Joseph, He had great peace because Joseph was in charge. Before He was in charge of a nation, God put him in charge of a home.

1. Leadership must be intentional.

You have heard it said that “everything is the leader’s fault”. Someone must take charge? Your family will rise and fall because of the leadership. Just as I mentioned last week that many organizations have outlived many families because of the leadership.

The culture around our homes and families are determined by the leadership we give or don’t give. When we determine that our families will not be victims of society, but we must be intentional if we want things to turn around. We cannot be passive about it; It cannot be business as usual. Your brother or sister cannot take charge of your home, your mother cannot take charge of your home, your children cannot take charge of your own home, and you must take charge of your home. This is our God given leadership responsibility. God comes to our families and asks “who is I charge?”

Paul Instructing Timothy speaks of this in 1 Tim 3: 1-5

It is sad that our family’s today lack this intentional input today, when we become too busy and become victims of survival something or someone else takes charge. For the men, your family needs you to put your foot down on some-things, As mother’s our children, cannot just grow up without some rules. Someone must give some organization around here, someone must set up some rules, constitution around here and that person is you.

Your son cannot just do things the way they want, No one should just do things the way they want, but consider that their actions must be responsible and considerate of the welfare of every other person.

I imagine for Joseph, He must have sat down people, shared a vision, delegated some tasks and responsibilities, allocated some resources, planned some off days and leave days, pinned a memo on potiphar’s fridge, arranged for meetings with some departments in the house. He took Charge.

One of the saddest things today is our families have lost that sense of intentionality, being a family again. I call this the lost family table:

Remember sitting around that table, and ate together, found out how each other was doing, asked hard questions to each other, celebrated an achievement together, When did you sit to plan the year as a family, or plan the timetable or responsibilities?

What about the eventualities like Death? Sickness, inheritance, property, money, discipline….That family meeting, family calendar, family days e.t.c.

How long will we use the lines “my job doesn’t allow me, I am too tired to plan, I have a class, they will sort themselves out” we are such good planners at work, we bring our reasoning and judgment but we lose it all at home. We just don’t care.

God honours these efforts. When we set out, plan, sit down for the sake of our families, when we take charge God steps in and brings prosperity in our families. Our stewardship will be checked first here, not at work or school.

Here is an excerpt from an phone conversation I had with a friend who was from a family I admired

Q. What do you remember most when you think of your family upbringing, what would you describe your family life?

A. Definitely the closeness and support. Right from a very supportive and close extended family to ours. We enjoy get together as many as almost 100 would gather at one place for a weekend, or for various functions, from grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. We valued being one- everyone’s event was special.

Q. What did you learn from your parents?

A. Mum taught me to think for myself. She would always say to me “you are not a sheep”. I look at mum keenly when am saying this. Think through things yourself. Dad taught me to work hard at whatever I did. If you wanted to play the guitar, he will make that investment, not because it’s what he wanted but what we wanted. HE wanted us to be the best at what we did.

Q. Talk about responsibilities and chores how did that look like?

A. “Chores were delegated including cleaning, dishes but also authority, when someone graduate it was their turn to prepare lunch and snack and take to the others in school as well as drop them from school. Together with my brother, Dad taught us business starting from the fixed amount pocket money based on age, and the 20% penalty in-case of indiscipline. We washed dad’s car to earn money, we were apprenticed at my dad’s business. We did some deliveries on behalf of dad e.t.c

Q. How about fun moments?

A. We had plenty of those including mountain hikes to longonot, nyama choma plots, camping, get togethers. One time we were driving near lake Elementaita and Dad says” someone told me we could drive through the lake, and he drove into…you should have seen mum’s face”. Birthdays were a must, everyone had to say something nice about you, I was sometimes shocked at the nice things my sister told me. It was also good to eat together around meals we were able to catch up with each other.

Q. How was indiscipline handled?

A. Of course, my sis and I would constantly get into cold wars, Mum would make us hold hands, send us to our room and have us talk.

Q. What are some things you would love to take into your own family (now that you are married)

A. The principles learnt at my mum and dad’s home including affirmation, closeness, fun and responsibility. Holidays, celebrations, family events and table talks.

Try and respond to these questions with your home in mind? I believe this outcome or such comments coming from the children was because they were intentional about these things. Someone sat down, thought and planned for these things, planned for the culture of the home.

2. The Character of a leader begins at home.

For Joseph, even when everything was going on well, there is flow in the work process, the evaluations have been done, the purchases are on their way, the workers have been paid, the machines have been replaced, He may have relaxed to eat or rest, but his integrity did not relax. The enemy noted the good effort but also the quality of person he had become.

We must not feel that, when we feel we have got a good family, we are safe from temptations. Potiphar’s wife notices the young handsome man and hatches an evil plot against Joseph. The circumstances were just right: No one is in the house and Potiphar is away. Yet not even once did Joseph think twice about it. It was a big hit on his reputation, he suffered but God honoured his character and strengthened his leadership.

Integrity of character is when we are consistent in who we are. When what we believe is what we say and what we say is what we do? When these three are not in sync then we are prone to fall. Our leadership at home is not devoid of temptations. We will always have to fight against the current for our families?

While visiting with one of our elders, he shared how the nature of his career exposes him to long hours away from home, and the need for extra money has driven some of his colleagues to sacrifice their reputation and that of their families. In the process they are exposed and become vulnerable. He said that if he is not at work, He is at church and If he is not at church He is at home, this has reduced the many risks and temptations that he would be exposed to but also allows him time to make up for the lost time with his children.

It is very easy for the home to be a second priority; the assumption that they will always be there also exposes us to fall. It takes character to realize that the home is a first priority and not our work places. Our commitment to God and family cannot be second to another. God wants you at home. Your family needs you at home. On the other hand I have known of successful families who because of this pursuit of success have become vulnerable and weak and their character compromised.

We need to have a healthy balance of this. Think of ways to value your family even in the context of work. Call each other during the day, have pictures of each other in your office. Make a big impression to your boss and colleagues that any engagements out there have an effect back at home. I appreciate its not easy. But we must fight for our families. Our character is grown at home: honesty, respect for others, hard work. Our society values is a reflection of values taught at home.

I read recently, from a research, that many people convert to a faith or religion not because they have been told about its doctrines and statements of faith. People don’t convert at first because we told them about what our church believes in, but they are drawn because of the nature of the associations they see we have. Everyone wants to be in a beautiful family, a beautiful community. This is our missional mandate, that when people see the character of our children, when they consider our character, then Christ becomes even more beautiful to them.

I would not finish if I don’t address the foundations establishing a family which is marriage. The relationship between husband and wife, is a strong pillar in giving leadership. It is a selfish kind of dance between the two that makes all the other dances in the house work out.

Paul speaks out in Ephesians 5:22-31

Let me quickly lay down some dancing lessons for the married- from that good passage:

A man shall leave- The step of priority– You must make the other person ultimate priority, leave all else, it’s a commitment to prioritize and focus on no one or nothing else. Do you feel prioritized… Are you the only one in his/her arms? Are you prioritizing your spouse? Some people say the grass is greener on the outside…it is time to water yours, and its green because you can’t see the manure from here.

A man shall not only leave but also cleave- The next step is the step of Pursuit. Pursuit means work. Pursuit should not end after the first few years, but is a continuous daily commitment to love your spouse regardless of your emotions. It will involve daily commitment to work at it. For the men, It is not based on a point system….It is highly perishable, yesterday’s love is stale, you need to work at today’s. And if you feel you’ve fallen out, recreate those early days of intense pursuit. Are you ready to commit to dance according to this law?

And the two will become one flesh- The next step is everything becoming one, common, shared, There is no more, my time, my money, my career…everything becomes ours. Nothing is mine anymore, and anything that is mine or hers are the dangers to watch out on, in this dance.

The last step is the step of purity– They were naked but they felt no shame. This simply means they were completely unashamed to share the most secret and intimate things. It needed absolute openness and trust and heart to heart talk, no fear, no shame? – are you ready for this Dance Step?

Perhaps this is the meeting we need to have first before we call the family meeting.

Conclusion

For some you have postponed this intentional leadership for too long, that home meeting has been postponed too long, that discussion with your daughter, that premarital, parenting class has been postponed for too long, how about that holiday, that visit to uncles or grandparents, that trip to your child’s school, that knock to talk to your neighbour’s son about their children’s behaviour or simply that meal time round that table.

May the Lord bring healing to our homes.